Death is here
I’m 26 years old. And at the time of writing this I still have my 4 grandparents alive. I’ve been lucky. One could say I’ve never lost anyone and that is fair. I just remember the lost of my grangranparents and I was younger and not so close to them.
But this had to happen some day. Is how live works. Is just one of those things that you prefer not to think about. I don’t know how it would have affected a younger me, but I always assumed that losing someone for the first time being an adult it would be different.
Well I don’t know if it is.
My grandmother has been surviving cancer for more that what was expected. She is a tough women, she has always been. But seeing how she has been affected by this penetrates my skin.
I try to stay cool, I’m sometimes pointed as someone without feelings, that I don’t care about the rest. Even my mother tells me that I should care more. But they know I do, and I do more than anyone else.
Being far from home doesn’t help neither. Being far makes a simple phone call make happy my grandmother. I used to not call or care about that, but since this is happening I realised that is worth it. A simple call can change the entire week of a person, a person that needs the hope and the happiness to keep fighting.
And now the calls are coming. My father saying that she is getting really bad. The medication sideeffects are to strong, he just tells me so I’m aware. I’m aware that if I call her the words don’t make anysense anymore.
She, the one that introduced me to videogames. That let me play her consoles while my parents didn’t let me for medical reasons. The one with who I spend so many hours collecting bolts in Ratchet and Clank. The one that give me the money that she had in hand when nobody was looking.
This is tough. This day had to arrive. But you never know how to be ready for it.
It just happened.
I was with my father and brother in an skatepark. Recording my little brother making some nice tricks. And we were leaving we received the call from my mother.
It just happened.
In our way home we went to the church. I went to open some candles and ask to the gods I believe in to help her be confortable. And specially to help the rest, the ones that are still here, to have good thoughts in the near future.
My worries are for my little brother. I just want him to take this in the best way posible.
But specially my mother, I know will be hard for her. I already cried days ago, I assumed that it was already done, the fact that was question of how long it will take it didn’t make a difference. I think I already assumed the real fact. Now, I think I can put my efforts in help the others.
In be the best I can for them.